As a Belgian living in South Africa, watching the formation of South Africa’s first coalition is like a ‘Groundhog Day’ of epic proportions. You call it a ‘GNU’, in Belgium we call it a spaghetti government. It’s a tangled mess of policies and power struggles where even seasoned politicians end up with sauce on their faces.
But hey, if there’s one thing we Belgians have mastered, it’s the art of political chaos. We’ve turned coalition-building into a national sport, complete with its own unique blend of flair, farce, and frequent facepalms. So, let me offer a few insights on coalition-building:
1. Stock up on snacks and settle in
Coalition talks can drag on forever. Belgium’s record is 541 days without a government – I kid you not – so believe me when I say patience is key. Stock up on biltong, koeksisters, and a few good bottles of South African wine.
2. Prepare for the sandcastle effect
Just when you think the coalition is solid, it might crumble faster than a sandcastle in a tsunami. It’s like experiencing political déjà vu, where you keep reliving the same drama over and over. But hey, who doesn’t love a good rerun?
3. Embrace the absurdity
A coalition is like a dysfunctional family dinner where everyone secretly (or not so secretly) loathes each other, yet they’re forced to make small talk and pass the gravy. There’s the nostalgic elder, reminiscing about the “good old days”. There’s the guest who shows up early, rearranges the snacks, and proposes a detailed schedule for bathroom breaks. The rebellious cousin, who suggests radical changes to the menu and rearranges the seating, leaving everyone on edge about what’s coming next. The grumpy uncle, clinging to tradition like a life raft. And the wide-eyed newbies, bursting with fresh ideas and eager to shake things up. It’s a recipe for hilarious disaster.
4. There’s such a thing as a naughty corner
If a party refuses to play nice – Belgium has resorted to cordoning them off. Quite literally. They call it a ‘cordon sanitaire’. Think of it as putting the troublemakers in a time out. It’s like dealing with that one annoying cousin at family gatherings – you just nod sympathetically and continue with your plans. The show must go on, and there’s always a workaround for those who can’t follow the rules.
5. Don’t panic if there’s no government
If the coalition talks reach an impasse and the country goes without a government for a while, don’t panic. Belgium survived more than a year without one, and life carried on. Our country didn’t fall apart; in fact, we found that sometimes, less political squabbling can be quite peaceful. A bit like an extended holiday from political drama, where the country runs on autopilot.
So, fellow South Africans, sit back, relax, and enjoy the coalition show. With patience, humour, and a good stash of snacks, you’ll navigate the political rollercoaster just fine. And remember, if Belgium can turn coalition chaos into an art form, so can South Africa. Cheers!
Mindful Musings
What the world was musing over this past week
Who knew Mozart was a party pooper?
Forget the club scene, Finnish teens are getting a taste of the classics. To deter late-night beach parties, police are pumping up the volume on classical music. Turns out, Johann Strauss is a real party pooper!
Will AI take to the catwalk?
Move over, supermodels, there’s a new batch of beauties in town, and they’re all pixels! The World AI Creator Awards introduced the world’s first-ever AI beauty pageant, Miss AI.
Age is just a number
Forget Benjamin Button, American Airlines has its own time-traveling passenger! A 101-year-old woman keeps getting mistaken for a baby by the airline’s system. Looks like their computers need a history lesson.
Monkey see, monkey do…
A Balinese monkey took the phrase “monkeying around with a phone” to a whole new level. Not only did it snatch a tourist’s phone, but it also filmed its own jungle adventure. Move over, influencers, there’s a new vlogger in town!
